The Sprightly Spud

Guess what I went to see.

Historically, trips to the cinema have not been my preferred rainy day activity for the following reasons;

1. Why would you want to spend several, valuable hours of daylight sat in a dark room

2. When you need a wee, you can’t press pause – an issue for individuals like myself, who typically pee once every 30 minutes

As a result of this, since the reopening of the cinemas post COVID, I have not been near one. However, with FOMO beginning to flex its evil fingers, I decided it was time to break my odeon hiatus, and jump on the ‘Barbie’ hype.

One thing I did realise was that I’ve never been to the movies in the evening. I know – I need to get out more. So, in hope that sitting in the dark would feel more natural at 7pm, than at 11am, I insisted that we book our tickets for the 7.10 showing.

So, donning my fluorescent pink, £6 Primark joggers, i joined my mum, her best friend, and best friend’s daughter in a wild, ‘late night’, trip to our nearest Cineworld.

Of course, I couldn’t resist turning the whole thing into a sleuthing operation…

Desperate to shirk the ‘no outside food’ rule, I packed myself a certifiable feast of ‘tuno’ wraps, Olly’s cheesy pretzel thins, and mountains of popcorn, into the most subtle tote bag I could find. There is no chance in hell I am paying cinema prices with the amount of calories I need, however I did treat myself to a large sprite, which was about as big as my arm is long.

As the 20 minutes of non-movie related adverts began to roll, I ventured out on my first toilet trip – allowing me to plan my escape route while the lights were still up. Then towards the end of the trailers, I took another pee – this time out of pure fear that I would be running out of the screen room every five minutes. This is a key part of movie preparation for those of us with more sensitive bladders, so must not be overlooked.

At long last the film began. Unsurprisingly, Margot Robbie shone, and Ryan Gosling looked like he was on the verge of fits of laughter every time he did a ‘Ken’ themed dance routine. Thankfully, he just about held it together.

The feminine list message of the film came through loud and clear, but was interspersed with enough giggles to ensure the intensity of the movie was manageable.

Perhaps most impressively, particularly given the quantity of sprite I consumed, I survived the whole movie with just two bare footed sprints to the toilet. A personal achievement which in my opinion deserves a medal.

Also, my decision to bring a packed tea was an extremely wise one. My wraps, which consisted of vegan ‘tuno’, mixed with fromage frais and spring onion, encased in B free sweet potato wraps, were divine. I had air fried these little sausages of joy to create a heavenly crispy exterior, surrounding a creamy and flavourful filling – it may seem like an unusual combo, but it is absolutely worth a try. Olly’s Pretzel Thins are also a must buy. Cheesy, salty, crunchy and satisfying they are, a mon avis, the ultimate snack.

We arrived home at around 10pm, past my bedtime, but not so late that I had become overtired. I am, in fact, a toddler when it comes to coping with fatigue, so this was greatly appreciated. The excitement of the evening had left me rather overstimulated, so I needed a peppermint tea and half a hour of reading time before I could properly settle.

Overall, I enjoyed the cinema experience. The movie was entertaining, and it’s definitely an evening activity. Next time, I am tempted to wear pyjamas though, as I got a little chilly towards the end.

The most important takeaway is of course;

‘I am Kenough’.