The Sprightly Spud

Trotting down the hotel staircase, unashamedly clad in my PJs and face pleasantly stingy with the nourishment from my freshly applied moisturiser, I crack a self-satisfied grin – there is no way I’d rather spend my Valentines Night than on a date with Deliveroo. 

Abdullah, an absolute angel of a man, hands over my rice bowl with a friendly smile. A simple gesture, yet enough to have me smiling all the way back to my room. Having intricately programmed the air conditioning to optimal temperature, and rearranged the furniture for a convenient dining experience, the scene was set for an evening of total relaxation.

Umami aromas of my Itsu order gently drilled around the room, mixing – not unpleasantly – with the scents of lavender and rose that I had spritzed around the area half an hour earlier. I settled into the armchair, folding my fluffy socked feet underneath me, and pressed play on silent witness. Gorgeous food, a puzzle, and pathology. What a dream. 

A 9am start and unpleasant drive from home had spurred me to book a hotel room in Salford in order to attend a mandatory first aid course. Despite my little holiday being the result of a rather unromantic day of practicing using a defib, I was not going to let this inhibit my enjoyment of the night. After getting an early dart (a whole five minutes) from work on the Wednesday, I packed my worldly goods into a rucksack, and journeyed by train to Manchester. Unsurprisingly, I nearly missed the 3.15pm service, but narrowly boarded on time, even bagging myself a seat with a table. Though not quite the orient express, Northern Rail provided a perfectly adequate mode of transport, and delivered me to the big smoke in good time. I enjoyed my sandwich and caught up on Call the Midwife before smoothly boarding a tram to my final destination. 

I truly am quite the cosmopolitan traveller. 

After checking in and unpacking – which wasn’t much of an ordeal considering my luggage consisted of a clean pair of pants, some toiletries and a hairbrush – I had a wee adventure to Tesco, stocking up on essential snacks for the night. Next, I opened Deliveroo, and explored the countless culinary options available in this certifiable urban jungle. Though tempted by Dominoes, Nando’s and Leon, I eventually opted for an establishment yet to reach as far as Wrexham. My ultimate favourite; Itsu. 

Decision made and dinner on the way, I jumped in a scalding hot shower, and applied copious amounts of free, aromatically scented cleansing products, before donning my favourite nightwear, and eagerly tracking my food order. 

It wasn’t long before I was cosied up with my noodles and edamame, indulging in an evening of TV and reading, before I settled down for a blissful night’s sleep…

The point is, you don’t need company to feel the love. Nights away are a rare treat, but solitary trips to the cinema, coffee shops and shopping excursions could, and maybe even should, be a regular occurrence. 

Mental Health Benefits?

The wellness rewards of spending time with loved ones have been reiterated to us countless times, but could there be advantages to embracing your inner introvert?

1. It gives you chance to recharge your social battery 

Lets face it, as much as you adore your girlfriends, there comes a point when maintaining a conversation with 14 different people over bottomless brunch becomes nothing if not exhausting. Too much time in large groups can lead to overstimulation, and even feelings of burnout, as our brains try to juggle to social needs of others in an effort to please them, and maintain our relationships. 

For introverts, a lack of time alone is likely to leave them feeling drained, irritable, and overwhelmed, hence why solo dates may be even more appealing to these individuals. Conversely, even the most outgoing of socialites may crave solitude from time to time. Talking problems through is, of course, a vital coping mechanism, but there is a place for self-reflection and mental processing in countless situations too. 

In summary, don’t be embarrassed to turn down the odd invite – you can’t pour from an empty cup.

2. Its a chance to explore your own personality and passions 

Doing activities alone requires a whole different thought process to planning dates or outings with friends. When the pressure to please others is taken away, you have the freedom to explore and embrace your own try desires. 

Take a trip to the cinema, for example. For that second date with Joe from hinge, the latest mainstream blockbuster is the obvious choice – vaguely entertaining and adequately bland is a good bet when avoiding scaring off your potential new flame. You dig in to two medium popcorns, or perhaps one large to share if things are moving quickly. When attending the flicks alone, however, you have there opportunity to peruse the full range of options. Scrolling to the end of the programming, you spot a black and white screening of a 50s opera that takes your fancy. What’s more, hitting the movies on your lonesome means you can enjoy your nachos with stinky cheese sauce, free from the judgement of others. 

The liberty to explore your more eclectic tendencies not only enables you to indulge your true passions, and bathe in the torrent of endorphins that accompanies this, but could even facilitate the formation of new relationships, with others who share your penchant for Star Trek reruns. 

3. Creativity 

Allowing your inner desires to take the lead has the potential to feel daunting, yet engaging in something creative could reduce anxiety and depression, and aid in processing trauma. Spending time alone with some watercolours, safe from the judgement of any onlooker. Whether its writing poetry, drawing or felting, nourishing your artistic side may be an extremely worthwhile pursuit. Not only this, but studies suggest spending time alone may spark your creative side, so your crafty output may even be improved. 

At home, its a good idea to romanticise the situation. Whack on your favourite tunes, light a candle, and become fully absorbed in your activity. What’s more, there are a myriad of creative workshops available to try. Papercraft, pottery, or painting classes could all allow you to learn a new skill, whilst being immersed in a meditative solo date endeavour. 

4. Its an escape from people pleasing 

A 2022 YouGov pol found that 49% of adults would self-identify as a ‘people – pleaser’. This term, which involves putting the needs of others ahead of your own to an extreme extent, is often triggered by low-self esteem or trauma. In severe cases, it could even be related to Dependent Personality Disorder. 

Balancing the needs of others and one’s own is a natural part of life, yet devoting too much energy to others desires is not only draining, but may lead to self-neglect. Furthermore, in situations where there are simply no people around to be pleased, these over – accommodating individuals may feel purposeless and lost.  

Solo dates deliver a chance to challenge people – pleasing tendencies, and develop healthy boundaries by indulging your own needs, and learning to cope with solitude. 

5. Makes easier to fall asleep 

Learning to enjoy time alone, and relax in your own company, puts the nervous system in a ‘low – arousal’ state, leaving us feeling calm and at peace, priming the body to drift off. It also allows time to process the ups and downs of our day, keeping that all too familiar feeling of pre-sleep fretting at bay. Finally, having alone time in your day may result in feeling more settled in the moments spent with only your own thoughts prior to dozing off, hence transitioning from wakefulness to sleep easier. 

6. Confidence

How many times have you wanted to try something new, but been put off by the potential judgments of others? 

Choosing to try something different, such as a dance class, or even that sushi making workshop you’ve always wanted to try, without the company of your family or friends, removes a significant amount of pressure to excel. Personally, I find the presence of strangers less intimidating that that of loved ones, for the simple reason that I’m unlikely to ever meet them again. Enveloping yourself in an alien situation may seem overwhelming at first, yet it is an opportunity to take on a new, more confident persona – an attribute that can be transferred to a whole host of ‘real life’ scenarios. 

Beyond the bar…

Dating yourself isn’t limited to being perched on a solitary barstool, sipping a mediocre glass of vino (although when done with style this can exude an enviable ‘girl boss’ level of confidence), and in reality the options for self care are endless. 

Staying In

When looking to keep things cheap and cheerful, even your Friday night takeaway and Netflix binge can become indulgent if done right. Dig out the good crockery, and don’t underestimate the power of a candle to bring some ambience to any situation. You could even upgrade your Dominoes to a Pizza Express. Taking that ‘everything’ shower will only enhance the evening further; luxuriate in all your favourite products, and give your skin the love it deserves. 

Treating yourself to a new book, jigsaw, or even a craft set could also serve as delightful independent pursuits, but my personal favourite is a classic kitchen disco. Tunes up, blinds down,  sing and dance your heart out like nobody’s watching. Because your hamster really isn’t judging.

Out Out

If romanticising the day to day isn’t quite cutting it, then take your solo date to the outside world. Perhaps the most basic idea is a hot girl walk. Channel your main character energy, whack on a podcast, and turn the local park into your personal catwalk. 

Coffee shop crossword sessions and posh meals out can be enjoyed in your own company, but if your craving something more elaborate, then why not try a new workout class (hula fitness I’m coming for you) or hit that museum you’ve had your eye on. 

To be honest, why not take it a step further and book a two week trip to Barbados. 

Isolation in Moderation

I’m not suggesting you chuck your phone in the skip and retreat to the solitude of rural Finland. I am, however recommending that recognising when your social battery is running low is nothing to be ashamed of – ‘you time’ isn’t a luxury, its a necessity, and a vital part of caring for yourself and protecting your energy.